So you’ve found out you’re a wizard but you’re stuck with hateful relatives in a bedroom that locks from the outside. What’s a person to do at a time like this? Send a Bat signal to the Weasleys, of course! (Or would that be bat-bogey signal?)
While Saint Potter* had his merry band of redheads to come to his aid, I’ve rarely had that in my own life. Acceptance is a murky, twisty devil of a thing. Something I’ve struggled with for years. Of my own self worth, my sexual inclinations, my body image (huge improvement there), the direction I’ve chosen in life and my feelings for certain man. Though, the acceptance of my own self worth and body image were closely linked.
Given the environment in which I grew up and experiences I’ve had, it probably shouldn’t surprise me that I’ve still struggled with accepting that I’m interested in certain kinks. But that’s changed a lot over the last year. A lot seems to have changed over the last year. One of the biggest? My temper has evened out a ton.
Those feelings for a particular man? Well – to say they were strong would be a disservice. I wanted to read old emails but couldn’t bring myself to because of how much it hurt. The daydreams were a frequent occurrence. So were the dreams I’d have while sleeping for the first couple months. I spent hours going over what I could have done differently in minute detail. I also worried more than I ever had about someone in the past. I had an idea of what was wrong when you mentioned the pillows but worried myself sick without knowing the specifics.
Really, I worried about everything. Were you okay? Safe? Happy? There were nights I couldn’t sleep all for how intensely I missed you. I missed how even when you pissed me off, I was still happy just being in each others’ lives. When I do make it out there, I’m not entirely sure I could turn you down if the question was asked. Or that I’d even want to refuse.
So if I seem pushy at times, it isn’t that I’m trying to annoy you, most likely I’m going through a panicky moment and just need slight reassurance about what might be bugging me. I’m getting sleepy, nauseated and the ache in my joints is worsening so that’s my cue to stop writing and go to bed. I’ll probably dream again about that man and waking up beside each other again.
Side note: The messenger at the beginning of the first episode of the Clone Wars show on Netflix looks vaguely like a member of a Mandrake unit. Minus the ball gag.
- Disclaimer: I’m a huge harry potter fan. No offense or harm intended toward any Weasleys. Can’t say the same for the Dursleys though.